Be A Man
by Senira
Summary: Goku leaves Chi-Chi for another woman, and she struggles to cope.


This is what happens when you listen to the Aqua CD too much. This is a songfic inspired by the song 'Be a Man'. I know I've been really evil to Chi-Chi in my last two fics, but they really don't make a good couple, IMHO. Goku has left Chi-Chi for another woman, and she struggles to cope with this drastic change in her life. 

Be A Man

(The song Be A Man is property of Aqua, so don't sue me.)

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The world is quiet, 

like there is no one around, 

but I feel you beside me. 

I know the secrets, you keep locked away inside, 

don't understand, 

why you are fighting.

I know, she must be special,

this new girl by your side, 

I seek for answers, when I look into your eyes, 

And he turns, so i can't, but I will be strong.

The site of the two together made her sick to her stomach. How could he just throw away everything they'd meant to each other, their years of caring and devotion toward each other? All for that, that girl!

She struggled not to cry. But what could she do? There they were arms wrapped around each other, completely absorbed in them selves. It was like Goku didn't even notice her standing a few feet behind them, her dress blowing in the breeze as she watched them. Then again, she wondered if he'd ever noticed her to begin with.

The fact that two people could find love so fast amazed her. She hadn't seen such a miraculous occurrence since Vegeta and Bulma, and even that took some time to accumulate. As far as she knew, Goku had met Marie at a bar. They'd gone a few dates, behind Chi-Chi's back of course, and then one night Goku announced to her that he was leaving. At first this hadn't surprised her. After all, she was used to Goku taking the occasional, all right, often taking a hiestas to go on some training mission or the other. But it wasn't until SHE showed up at the door, smiling and asking politely if Goku was there, did Chi-Chi finally realize the nature of Goku's abrupt announcement. Chi-Chi stared at her for a moment. Then she turned to Goku. The look on his face confirmed her suspicions, and for the first time she noticed Goku had a suitcase in his hand.

In that moment Chi-Chi's world had pretty much shattered. She blew away like a leaf, watching as Goku climbed into Marie's car and they rode off into the night. No good-byes. No hugs. It would be too painful that way, Goku had said. Not that she would have hugged him anyways. The bastard. 

She walked away as the two of them started kissing. The thought of Goku's lips, the lips that had touched her own so many times, kissing another, was just sickening. Her mind drifted to the gun in her purse. If she wanted, she could walk right up to them and plug Marie in the back of the head. Or if she wanted to be daring, walk right in front of them and shoot her self. She'd actually considered the latter, a while ago when she saw the two in a diner. The only problem was she didn't think it would be punishment enough for what he did to her, for what he took away from her forever.

She rubbed her hand over her stomach absentmindedly as she walked. True, Goku had had no idea about the baby the night he left. Actually, Chi-Chi had been planning to tell him the very next morning. But he just had to abandon her, leave her alone with this baby that she knew she'd have to care for alone. 

It wasn't like she hadn't done it before. She'd raised Goten alone after all, and he had turned out fairly well. But then she hadn't been _truly_ alone. It was just that Goku was dead, and he wasn't there at the moment. She'd known he'd come back eventually. But this was different. He was gone forever, a distant friend she hardly ever saw anymore. She wondered if their entire relationship was based guilt and lies. After all, wasn't it her fault Goku was with her in the first place? If she hadn't opened her mouth, Goku and her would never have been together. They'd probably still be off wandering the world, each completely unaware of the other. It was this guilt that Chi-Chi had felt ever since he left. That _she_ was the one who had stolen something from him, robbed him of his freedom, and not the other way around.

Her car appeared in front of her suddenly. She realized she must have gone the entire boardwalk in her musings. Seeing nothing better to do, she climbed in and started the ignition. After all, it wasn't like she had someone waiting for her when she got home. It was just her, her fish, and the unborn baby she carried inside her, living by themselves in what used to be the Son household.

__

For once in your life,

Be a man, 

Just tell me the words,

'Cause I know that you can,

Don't leave me with scars, 

That no one can heal. 

For once in your life - be a man.

Chi-Chi scrubbed her skin as hard as she could. For weeks now, she'd been trying to wash her mind of Goku, his lopsided smile, his gentle manner, his loving kisses when he was in the mood…all of it seemed like it had happened yesterday. In reality though, it had been well over six months since the night he'd left her. In that short time, it amazed Chi-Chi how many people had been to her house. Bulma came over almost every other day to comfort her dearest friend and to bring her gifts to cheer her up, usually with the rest of the gang in tow. Piccolo, Yamcha, and even Tien had come to visit her and ask how she was doing. But Chi-Chi had dismissed them all with a polite 'Yes, Goku's gone but I'm fine with it. You don't have to worry about me.' Gradually they stopped coming, but Bulma had assured her best friend she was welcome at the Briefs house any time. 

Chi-Chi climbed out of the tub and dried her hair. As she reached for her towel, she happened to catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Frowning, she stood in front of it and examined herself.

She was attractive, for her age. True, the years had begun to take their toll, but she knew she was looking far better that most women her age. She had shapely thighs, a medium sized chest, and while a bit on the bulky side, she was quite proud of her long legs. She couldn't understand why Goku would leave her for someone not as pretty as her. But the moment she thought the words, she knew it was a lie. Marie was 35, blonde haired and green eyed and had a gorgeous body. Goku may not be very smart, but his tastes when it came to women were excellent.

Chi-Chi suddenly felt weak. She finished drying and walked down the hall toward her bedroom. Sitting down on the bed, she felt tears creeping into her eyes. She'd cried almost every night after he left. Not just because she missed him, but because of all the years she'd wasted with him, how she'd given herself to him completely only to be tossed aside like a piece of trash. She buried her face in the pillow and cried herself to sleep.

__

You made me love you, 

Love you right from the start. 

You're controlling my heart, babe. 

Don't pack your bags yet. 

Give me time to say goodbye. (Say goodbye.) 

Just don't leave me wounded.

__

No, I just hope you will regret the things you do

Come back to me,

'cause our love is the real thing. 

And he turns, 

so i can't, 

but I will be strong.

She felt like utter crap the next morning. She moved like a snail, making coffee, eating French toast, changing clothes. It was like she was outside her body looking in. She could almost imagine herself floating higher and higher, till she touched the stars. She knew she was going insane, but she didn't care. She wasn't Goku's maid anymore. She refused to cater to his every whim. 

The logical solution to her problem would be to accept the situation. It was what Goku was waiting for after all. Forgiveness. But love wasn't something you could just forgive. Yes Chi-Chi, I've spent almost my entire life with you, but there's someone else now. But we can still be friends, right? No. She refused to break. She wasn't going to throw herself on him and beg for him to come back, but she wouldn't let it go either. She knew there was only one way to settle this, and that was to talk to Goku personally.

***********

She paused briefly before knocking. It'd only been a few months since she'd seen him up close, but it felt like an eternity. What would he say? Would he be glad to see her? Would he reject her? Would he... 

Before she could finish her pondering, the door opened and Goku was standing there. She looked up him and he down at her. There was an awkward pause, and then he smiled slightly. I sensed a ki outside the door, so I went to see who it was.

"Oh." She said dully. What kind of opening was that? Where was the part where he got down on his knees and begged for forgiveness? Okay, so she'd had a pretty good feeling that wasn't going to happen, but it was possible.

"Please, come in." Goku said waving his hand into his apartment.

His apartment. With her. Chi-Chi could feel the bile rising in her throat, but she choked it down. No weakness, Chi-Chi. You've got to be better than him.

She walked in and sat down on the couch. The room was nice actually. This girl obviously had some serious money, because the furnishings of the room were the kind of things Chi-Chi could only dream about. Expensive paintings, entertainment center, a bar…all the kinds of things she'd imagined a big-city home to have. 

She slowly sucked in a breath and looked across at him. He was seated in the chair across from her, his legs crossed Indian-style. He smiled at her, and glanced around the room, trying to avoid her gaze.

"So, Chi-Chi-chan…how are you?" He asked, finally making eye contact with her.

"Cut the crap Goku," She snarled. "You know exactly why I'm here. And don't call me chan. You lost that right six months ago."

Goku frowned, something she'd never seen him do. He leveled his gaze right at her, his face becoming dead serious. It really freaked her out. It felt like his eyes were burning into her, pulling her apart and trying to see what made her tick. She crossed her arms over her chest self -consciously and prepared for the worst.

"Chi-Chi, I left because I found someone better. At first I couldn't believe it. I felt really bad about cheating on you and going on dates behind your back. When Marie asked me to live with her, I wasn't sure what to do. I stopped seeing her for almost three weeks to think things out."

Three weeks? So that was why he was home so long. Silly her. She'd actually thought Goku was home to spend some time with her.

It was like he read her mind. He continued, trying to keep his voice level, but failing miserably. It sounded like he was either going to cry or laugh, Chi-Chi couldn't tell. But it didn't help calm her one bit.

"That time I slept with you, I was confused. I had no idea what I was going to do, how to cope with being in love with two women. But than the next day it hit me. I wasn't in love with you at all."

Chi-Chi shut down at that point. Whatever shred of hope she had left just died. She could feel herself floating away into the ceiling. Far below her, her body continued to listen to the words, or at least hear them. She was far too dead to actually compute them, make them enter her brain. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Apparently, her body had chosen the second option to escape from this hell.

"I love you like a friend, Chi-Chi-cha- Chi-Chi. I care about you, but not in the way you think. I don't know why it took me so long to realize it. I guess I was just reaching for something that wasn't there."

I was just thinking the same thing. Chi-Chi said as she drifted skyward. Her body had been hearing the whole thing, and Goku's last words had really hit home. Was that what she had been doing all these years? She'd known something was missing from their relationship. Even Vegeta and Bulma, who fought like cats and dogs, truly cared about each other and were completely faithful to the other. But Goku would often go out at night, never telling her where he was headed to or when he would be back. Was that where he went all those Saturday nights? To clubs to meet girls who were better than her?

Her body entered the car. Sighing, her spirit floated to reunite with its host and return to the hell that was life. The car started and drove through the city, headed to capsule Corp.

__

For once in your life, 

be a man, just tell me the words, 

'caus I know that you can, 

Don´t leave me with scars, 

that no one can heal.

For once in your life - be a man.

__

I knew that I, 

I fought to keep our love strong. 

If you leave me now,

you come running back for more, babe. 

She rang the doorbell. There were the sound of footsteps, and then someone grumbling. The door swung open and Vegeta stood in the doorway, an annoyed expression on his face.

"If you're looking for Bulma, she went to your house looking for you." He said frowning. Then a smirk crept up on his face, gradually turning into a grin.

"But if you want to come in and wait for her, be my guest."

She walked past him, her face blank and colorless. He noticed this, and guessed where she'd been, but said nothing. He'd wait till she was calmer to begins his torment.

She sat in the comfy armchair across from the door. It was Trunks favorite chair actually, but since he'd moved out it didn't matter anymore. Vegeta let her sit there and instead hovered over her, grinning from ear to ear.

"So…been to see kakkarot, I assume?"

She blinked and said nothing. She was barely aware of the man above her. Her mind was frozen, deaf to the world around it.

"You know, I was talking to him just the other day. He sounds incredibly happy you know. Apparently Marie owns her own computer company, so she's got quite a lot of money. Why, he was going on and on about how pretty she was, how sweet she was, how she always has food in the fridge…heck, she's ever a better cook than you. And I've tried her food, and believe me, it's excellent."

Chi-Chi remained motionless.

Vegeta's face fell slightly, but he continued. "You know, you really shouldn't get so worked up over this whole thing. After all, you know he's happier, and that's all that matters right? And like he said...you can still be friends."

She left then. On the way home, she saw Bulma's car heading toward her. Bulma honked and motioned toward the house, but Chi-Chi kept driving. She couldn't bear to see Vegeta's smug face or to hear his comments about Goku. She just didn't care anymore. It just wasn't worth it.

__

And I hope for, 

and I wish for, 

and I pray,

that the words from your mouth can, 

eventually make you a man.

Her own heartbeat echoed in her ears. It amazed her that even after all this, after all the stress she'd been through it was still beating.

Goku had tried calling her twice. The first time she'd listened, but after that she ignored him. He'd apologized not for what he said but for the news being so hard. She hadn't even bothered to mention the baby. There was no point. It wouldn't bring him back, not now, not ever.

__

For once in your life,

Be a man.

She was so alone. Her friends had abandoned her and her fish had died. It was only her and the baby now, who was due to born any week now.

When everything stops... ...for a minute in your life,

Chi-Chi lay down on the bed staring at the ceiling. She smiled slightly and rubbed her stomach. Now was the time for revenge. Soon Goku would regret what he'd done to her, and she would stand there next to him, laughing and laughing and laughing.

__

I'll hope that,

__

For once in your life,

be a man be a man. 

Just tell me the words, 

'cause I know that you can, 

Don't leave me with scars, 

that no one can heal. 

For once in your life - be a man. 

She screamed and ripped another strip of paper off the wall. She closed her eyes and shook her head wildly, then continued to scream again. She ran about like a madwoman, decimating her house, smashing pottery and cracking photos. She laughed insanely and grabbed a pillow and slashed the air with it, foaming at the mouth and howling. She'd finally gone insane, but she didn't care. It would all be over soon. Her throat was raw from yelling, but she was didn't care. She was determined to destroy everything that represented Goku, whatever had meant anything to her. It had to go.

__

Be a man. 

Tell me the words. 

Once in your life. 

Be a man. 

Tell me the words. 

She'd done it. Everything that was Goku was destroyed. Feathers from the pillow floated around her and landed on the torn wallpaper and bed sheets. The furniture was shredded, destroyed by her own nails, and the table lay smashed and in ruin. 

She lifted her bleeding hands to her face and grinned. Picking up a knife next to her, she ran her thumb along the blade, causing another trickle of blood to appear. She looked down to her bulging stomach and began to drool.

"Everything that's Goku…except for you."

She plunged the knife into herself over and over again. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she began to scream in pain and pleasure. Finally she stopped and was still, an insane grin on her face.

Chi-Chi died laughing.

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End file.
